Greetings, Soshified members, and welcome to the first edition of The Cucumber, a new column that will offer a fresh perspective on the most interesting Girls’ Generation news stories. The Cucumber was inspired by the news website The Onion, which posts fake news stories written in a humorous satire format. When reading The Cucumber, it’s important to remember that it is absolutely NOT meant to be taken seriously. Events, quotes, and situations will be twisted and in many cases completely made up out of thin air, all for the for sake of creating laughter for the readers.
So if you’re ever reading The Cucumber and you find yourself thinking, “Wait a second, that can’t be true”, that’s because it ISN’T true, and you’re taking it too seriously. The Cucumber is purely satire, and absolutely not news. And just to try and be extra sure that no one ever gets confused, I will start and end every single Cucumber article with the following big red disclaimer:
Disclaimer: The story you are reading is NOT true. Do NOT take it seriously. This article is purely for laughs, nothing more.
With all of that said, let’s dive right in to the first article ever for The Cucumber!
Jessica Denies Rumors That She is Dating Taecyeon by Saying, “I Just Can’t Forget my First Love.”
Recently, Jessica of Girls’ Generation was seen out in public with 2PM’s Taecyeon, once again sparking rumors from netizens who suspect that the two are dating. The two were seen eating together at a cafe, and after they finished eating Jessica drove Taecyeon back to his dorm.
A few days after the two were spotted together, Jessica was asked during an interview for a Korean news program if she and Taecyeon are dating. She firmly denied the rumors by saying, “Taecyeon and I are just good friends, nothing more. We have a lot in common, such as our American upbringing, but we are not dating. Truthfully, I don’t think I could ever date him, because I just can’t forget my first love.”
The comment about her first love sparked tremendous interest from the interviewer, who proceeded to ask her to talk about the mystery person in more detail. Jessica eventually said, “We first met many years ago during my trainee days, and I had an immediate interest. He seemed rather cool, like he didn’t think much of me one way or another, but I definitely liked him and made my feelings clear after a short time.”
After pushing Jessica for further details, she stated, “My memories of him are so precious. We often spent time together after I finished practicing with the other trainees.” Fellow Girls’ Generation member Tiffany added, “Jessica often invited him to come and watch us practice. Rather than spending time talking with her fellow members after finishing practice, she usually would stick very close to him.” Jessica drew a huge reaction from the interviewer as she later went on to say, “I can’t forget his cool touch on my skin. I would get chills and goosebumps from it, and it really made me happy.”
The interviewer was persistent in asking Jessica to name this first love that she was so fond of, and at first she was reluctant, but finally she said in a shy voice, “His name is…. Aircon.”
Once the news program with Jessica’s interview was broadcasted, Naver searches for “Aircon”, “Jessica-Aircon”, and “Jessica Aircon dating” went up by nearly 900%, and reporters tried feverishly to find Aircon to get a reaction. Despite multiple attempts from various news sources, Aircon was not available for comment.
After the interview aired, several pictures were posted online with captions such as “Jessica and Aircon seen together in Girls’ Generation practice room!”. Much to the disappointment of netizens, however, the quality of the pictures was poor, and in some cases Jessica’s face was not shown directly. As a result, concrete proof of the Jessica-Aircon relationship remains elusive at this time.
Disclaimer: The story you are reading is NOT true. Do NOT take it seriously. This article is purely for laughs, nothing more.
Written by: [email protected]
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this is so funny!! :D
I just couldn´t stop laughing…
It all seemed so serious!!!
:P
This is totally epic! >< Jessica and her lover "Aircon"…
While reading one was wondering who her first love was, and now I know…
This is one of the most interesting column I've ever read in Soshified…
This post has definitely lighten up my day!
LOLOLOL I thought it was true at first since “I just can’t forget my first love” was waaaaay bigger than the disclaimer……….but then…………..
“Aircon was not available for comment.”
lmao
ok ok this is just so trollish I’m surprise Soshified went for it, but judging from the comments, everyone loves a troll. *YAY I’m 99th commenter I’m so happy*
So let me get this straight, because Jessica couldn’t stop thinking about Aircon she tried to make him jealous and go out on a ‘date’ with Taecyeon, but it backfired as the whole thing went public and now everyone is saying she’s dating her chingoo ;~; AWKWARD!
(Initially I thought this was a Jessica exclusive column about her baking with cucumbers or something :’) )
[ROTFL] I knew one time Jessica miss like crazy for Aircon, was in Chuseok Special Idol Big Show 091003…
I thought that was the only one, I didn’t notice that many moment like that catched in severe video…
Hilarious… Ice….
This is Epically hilarious. GREAT JOB!!! Awesome article for laughs. Looking forward to more!! Omg That Aircon is soo elusive >_> And I bet he is such a flirt as well… Definitely a flirt.
Haha!! Your idea is so cool and really fun. Such a great twisted story.
And with this lovely beginning , I look forward to another Cucumber issue. SSF staff Fighting!!
“I can’t forget his cool touch on my skin. I would get chills and goosebumps from it, and it really made me happy.”
Definitely…he is Aircon 555555555
And the name Cucumber remind me to Jessica , I wonder how will Ice Princess feels when read this article!!
Wut daa??? =.=’
haha just joking, this is so fanny, i mean funny, ROFLMAO >O<
but i thought the first pic is a fridge O.o, isn't it??
this is hilarious :D
i laughed my head off :D :D :D
great … !!!
i hope to read MORE !!! :)
and more … !!
this made my day :)
should we make a thread for jessica and the aircon?? hmmm..
consica… ? :D
LOL HAHAHAA
i kindda thought she was gonna say cucumbers
hahahaahah
OMG too funny !! my sides hurt so much right now.
Hahaha! XD
LOL!! I’m laughing like crazy right now!
hi-la-ri-ous !! lol, i might have woke my neighbour :)
LOL Aircon! Jessica and Aircon hugging is the best! The Cucumber has great promise! Looking forward to the next installment!
LMAOOOOO Sica – Aircon. I can tell that I will be reading The Cucumber every issue :D
this is friggin hilarious!
hats off to the writer coz dis is actually a really well thought out article emanating humor!
i will be looking forward to more from this section…..
ROLF this is just Hilarious Can,t stop Smiling when I read this kekekeke
Whoooo AIRCON JJang(>_<)!!!
I love how the first article features Jessica, who absolutely despises cucumbers, LOL.
Excellent article though, had me laughing during the entire second half.
This awesomeeee.. lol. I love sica and her aircon lover. snsd daebak!!
HAHA ROFL epic! this cucumber is definitely a great thread to read! ahahah!!!
at first i really tot what will be the name of her first love until the article mentioned air-con i was like AHAHAH definitely is sica’s first love!!
SNSD hwaiting!!
AND GIRLS BRING THE BOYS OUT!
Epic stuff! I think i must have looked like an idiot laughing in front of my computer…..
Oh Sica…….you aren’t the only one who loves Aircon……I do too! ^^
LOL seriously I literally fell off from my bed because of laughing, this is so good! thanks guys you’re awesome, special thumbs up for michaelroni :D
Really enjoy it.
LMAO. this is just too epic! I laughed like crazy throughout the read of this news. whahaha…
I love this new stuff… keep it up SSF staff! ^_^