Greetings, Soshified members, and welcome to the first edition of The Cucumber, a new column that will offer a fresh perspective on the most interesting Girls’ Generation news stories. The Cucumber was inspired by the news website The Onion, which posts fake news stories written in a humorous satire format. When reading The Cucumber, it’s important to remember that it is absolutely NOT meant to be taken seriously. Events, quotes, and situations will be twisted and in many cases completely made up out of thin air, all for the for sake of creating laughter for the readers.
So if you’re ever reading The Cucumber and you find yourself thinking, “Wait a second, that can’t be true”, that’s because it ISN’T true, and you’re taking it too seriously. The Cucumber is purely satire, and absolutely not news. And just to try and be extra sure that no one ever gets confused, I will start and end every single Cucumber article with the following big red disclaimer:
Disclaimer: The story you are reading is NOT true. Do NOT take it seriously. This article is purely for laughs, nothing more.
With all of that said, let’s dive right in to the first article ever for The Cucumber!
Jessica Denies Rumors That She is Dating Taecyeon by Saying, “I Just Can’t Forget my First Love.”
Recently, Jessica of Girls’ Generation was seen out in public with 2PM’s Taecyeon, once again sparking rumors from netizens who suspect that the two are dating. The two were seen eating together at a cafe, and after they finished eating Jessica drove Taecyeon back to his dorm.
A few days after the two were spotted together, Jessica was asked during an interview for a Korean news program if she and Taecyeon are dating. She firmly denied the rumors by saying, “Taecyeon and I are just good friends, nothing more. We have a lot in common, such as our American upbringing, but we are not dating. Truthfully, I don’t think I could ever date him, because I just can’t forget my first love.”
The comment about her first love sparked tremendous interest from the interviewer, who proceeded to ask her to talk about the mystery person in more detail. Jessica eventually said, “We first met many years ago during my trainee days, and I had an immediate interest. He seemed rather cool, like he didn’t think much of me one way or another, but I definitely liked him and made my feelings clear after a short time.”
After pushing Jessica for further details, she stated, “My memories of him are so precious. We often spent time together after I finished practicing with the other trainees.” Fellow Girls’ Generation member Tiffany added, “Jessica often invited him to come and watch us practice. Rather than spending time talking with her fellow members after finishing practice, she usually would stick very close to him.” Jessica drew a huge reaction from the interviewer as she later went on to say, “I can’t forget his cool touch on my skin. I would get chills and goosebumps from it, and it really made me happy.”
The interviewer was persistent in asking Jessica to name this first love that she was so fond of, and at first she was reluctant, but finally she said in a shy voice, “His name is…. Aircon.”
Once the news program with Jessica’s interview was broadcasted, Naver searches for “Aircon”, “Jessica-Aircon”, and “Jessica Aircon dating” went up by nearly 900%, and reporters tried feverishly to find Aircon to get a reaction. Despite multiple attempts from various news sources, Aircon was not available for comment.
After the interview aired, several pictures were posted online with captions such as “Jessica and Aircon seen together in Girls’ Generation practice room!”. Much to the disappointment of netizens, however, the quality of the pictures was poor, and in some cases Jessica’s face was not shown directly. As a result, concrete proof of the Jessica-Aircon relationship remains elusive at this time.
Disclaimer: The story you are reading is NOT true. Do NOT take it seriously. This article is purely for laughs, nothing more.
Written by: [email protected]
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hahaha i love it! this kind of soshi posts relieves all my accumulated stress. hehehe
you guys should totally do more of this! this is hilarious! takes a lot of brains too((:
I was wondering where the story was going, for a while it sounded like lame fan-fiction but when it got to the pics I got a nice laugh out of it, very well done!
I can’t wait for the next cucumber!!! :D this was absolutely hilarious!
I couldn’t resist to see the photos before reading the whole article, so while actually reading it, whenever I saw words like “cool” or those other comments about them hanging out “after the rehearsal”, I laughed even more XD
… lol and I googled “Jessica Aircon” XD
lol the cucmber is awesome!!ssf staf,you guys are creative!!
aircon really cracks me up and eventhough the pics are not clear,i’m pretty sure that is jessica and aircon together lol
keep up the good works guys!!
the tittle,how did you guys decide to choose cucumber?i’m guessing sica?that’s why the premiere edition is about sica?haha..just my guess..
I love this OMG, another edition has to be written quickly…
This is really freaking funny and even if I read it 10 times more, it’d still be funny and interesting~ :)
i found a tweet by soshified for The Cucumber-2nd edition but when i clicked the link it is not there…i think it will be coming out soon…Hwaiting!
Freaking hilarious article!! haha, SSF crews are always full of creative and humorous!!
SSF the best <3 I'm gonna jump on Aircon-Sica ship lol.
gotta say, i love THE CUCUMBER! :)
LMAO this article made me laugh. I almost believe this! OMG Babo me!
First of all the Cucumber section might just scared Sica away because of her allergies in real life, so yeah if she happen to make a appearance on Soshified and see this column she might freak out. lmao man SSF staffs are so awesome, so freaking creative. Like where you get your ideas from, very good and entertaining. It’s hilarious with Sica and her Aircon boyfriend, sweet heart can’t live without her Aircon guy. Aircon is a mystery to the media. Only Sica and probably her 8 girls know about Aircon lol. My imagination! Thanks for doing this, it keeps the forum fresh. Keep up the fantastic work. :)
This is EPIC. LOL. Completely hilarious.
I wonder what would Jessica’s reaction be if she read this. Lol
I hope to see more from the cucumber column XD
LOL
i don’t know that sica is dating! XD
btw, why this section named “the cucumber”?? is it section only for sica? XD
thanks for those who give the idea! nice! XD
I love this!! When I first saw this I thought it was something about Sica ~
Read it and LOL-ed at the ending ^^ Can’t wait for more!!
The Cucumber.. Aircon..
Lols cocumber section!!! This is hilarious!!Jessica-Aircon dating!!!They suit each other since they are both so cool anyways xD
HAHAHAHA I LOL’D! AWESOME (Y)
Haha great work michaelroni ^^ Truely hilarious and daebak!
Can’t wait for the next articles :D
The Cucumber ftw! (:
ROFL, i was laughing so hard when i read the name of her first love. The Cucumber FTW
keke ^^!
Iceair couple!!
LOL sica, you CANT DO THAT!!! Aircon is my love life, and i cant live without it LOLOLOL XD
LOL! I’ll bring an aircon to one of their concerts one day! then Give to Sica haha xD
That’s it! This is too funny!~
Ahahaha. Wow, such great idea you guys have here!
Awesome! Can’t wait for the next THE CUCUMBER!
Oh man ! That is hilarious :D :D :D !!!!
“My first love is Aircon” ! In fact, I personally think that it still is ;) !
Great article, michaelroni. Looking forward to the next one.
Cheers !
Kenneth.
Lolz. SNSD FOREVER!
I love The Cucumber section!!! Its really funny that Jessica is in the first article.. She doesn’t like cucumbers right??? hehehehe.. High five for the people who thought of this!!! When is the next story coming??? Good job Unnies and Oppas!! ^_^
she literally is THE ICE PRINCESS (QUEEN) since Krystal kind of already took over. teehee!