Greetings, Soshified members, and welcome to the first edition of The Cucumber, a new column that will offer a fresh perspective on the most interesting Girls’ Generation news stories. The Cucumber was inspired by the news website The Onion, which posts fake news stories written in a humorous satire format. When reading The Cucumber, it’s important to remember that it is absolutely NOT meant to be taken seriously. Events, quotes, and situations will be twisted and in many cases completely made up out of thin air, all for the for sake of creating laughter for the readers.
So if you’re ever reading The Cucumber and you find yourself thinking, “Wait a second, that can’t be true”, that’s because it ISN’T true, and you’re taking it too seriously. The Cucumber is purely satire, and absolutely not news. And just to try and be extra sure that no one ever gets confused, I will start and end every single Cucumber article with the following big red disclaimer:
Disclaimer: The story you are reading is NOT true. Do NOT take it seriously. This article is purely for laughs, nothing more.
With all of that said, let’s dive right in to the first article ever for The Cucumber!
Jessica Denies Rumors That She is Dating Taecyeon by Saying, “I Just Can’t Forget my First Love.”
Recently, Jessica of Girls’ Generation was seen out in public with 2PM’s Taecyeon, once again sparking rumors from netizens who suspect that the two are dating. The two were seen eating together at a cafe, and after they finished eating Jessica drove Taecyeon back to his dorm.
A few days after the two were spotted together, Jessica was asked during an interview for a Korean news program if she and Taecyeon are dating. She firmly denied the rumors by saying, “Taecyeon and I are just good friends, nothing more. We have a lot in common, such as our American upbringing, but we are not dating. Truthfully, I don’t think I could ever date him, because I just can’t forget my first love.”
The comment about her first love sparked tremendous interest from the interviewer, who proceeded to ask her to talk about the mystery person in more detail. Jessica eventually said, “We first met many years ago during my trainee days, and I had an immediate interest. He seemed rather cool, like he didn’t think much of me one way or another, but I definitely liked him and made my feelings clear after a short time.”
After pushing Jessica for further details, she stated, “My memories of him are so precious. We often spent time together after I finished practicing with the other trainees.” Fellow Girls’ Generation member Tiffany added, “Jessica often invited him to come and watch us practice. Rather than spending time talking with her fellow members after finishing practice, she usually would stick very close to him.” Jessica drew a huge reaction from the interviewer as she later went on to say, “I can’t forget his cool touch on my skin. I would get chills and goosebumps from it, and it really made me happy.”
The interviewer was persistent in asking Jessica to name this first love that she was so fond of, and at first she was reluctant, but finally she said in a shy voice, “His name is…. Aircon.”
Once the news program with Jessica’s interview was broadcasted, Naver searches for “Aircon”, “Jessica-Aircon”, and “Jessica Aircon dating” went up by nearly 900%, and reporters tried feverishly to find Aircon to get a reaction. Despite multiple attempts from various news sources, Aircon was not available for comment.
After the interview aired, several pictures were posted online with captions such as “Jessica and Aircon seen together in Girls’ Generation practice room!”. Much to the disappointment of netizens, however, the quality of the pictures was poor, and in some cases Jessica’s face was not shown directly. As a result, concrete proof of the Jessica-Aircon relationship remains elusive at this time.
Disclaimer: The story you are reading is NOT true. Do NOT take it seriously. This article is purely for laughs, nothing more.
Written by: [email protected]
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OMO!! daebak!! dis is so freaking funny..ice princess Jessica first love is AIRCON!!even d name The Cucumber is kind of..since dat jessi hate cucumber..haha..
HAHAHA i love this, this is really hilarious :-) please make more, it’ll be quite hilarious to read ^^
lol i thought of someone…Jessica loves Aircon hahah nice one!!.
but idk why it is titled CUCUMBER?? Sica unni wouldn’t like to hear that word haha
At first, I was like omg she declared that intimate details like fond his cool touch and then I cracked up as hell when his name is “AirCon”. Two thumbs up! Great Job writer!
one word for this, LOLOLOLOLOL.
more The Cucumber please! xD
OMG my Jessica,weird girl HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH:)
omg hahahaha :))))))))))))
OKAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY…
this is FUNNY! hahaha!
i actually thought that the first love would be another member, but when it was revealed that it was “AIRCON” mannnnn!!! LOL! HAHAHA!
btw, i think TaecSica is real
lol.. even though this is hilariously funny,
I feel like i have been trolled :(
LOL, such a humorous story, just what I needed to cheer up ^^
* fall of the chair * HAHAHA, Aircon!!! Jessica, you sure loves Aircon
Jessica was such a TROLOLOLOLOLOL and I can’t believe Tiffany strengthen her argument. What BFFs. Her first love is Aircon, no surprise here supposedly, but I can’t help to be surprised, still. Hehehe. I almost thought it was true. I was about to search for that luckiest guy on internet all the way. If it’s SicaCon, I’ll ship them then, I stand up for all Jessica’s pairing. Then I remembered it’s on THE CUCUMBER! [email protected], you’re such a TROLL too. Hahaha.
DAEBAK!!! for the very first article. Well done.
Keep it up.
Do one about Taeyeon’s love for ice cream! Her hair’s even colored to match the neapolitan flavor! Soshi <3
oh my gosh!this is so hilarious!I can’t stop laughing!
LOL at the rumored picture. xD
I liked the column name ‘The Cucumber’, and it’s perfect bec. Jessica LOVES cucumber LOL and she’s the first featured article in ‘The Cucumber’ LOL
LOL i didn’t know that “Jessica-Aircon” has a thing before HAHAHA
great article! looking forward for more ‘The Cucumber’
haha! jessica is really funny! she got a unique attitude.;)
jessica loves air con. ;)
this is seriously funny!!
and it is quite true.. Jessica unnie really loves AIRCON! hahahaha
Oh my goodness, I love the idea of this column, and this is the perfect way to start it! I laughed, haha hilarious!
LOL i though Aircond is human and living things for at least
hahaha….after scrolling at the pictures twice then I understand the meaning
this going to be very hilarious
it must be the idea of Jessica shippers
LOL! I really laughed out loud.
Nice one! Jessica and her first love, aircon.
Please write more. HAHAHAHA!
This is so FUNNEEHH!!
JessiCon FTW!!
Oh my gosh this is great! Aircon-sica love for forever!
Jessica with her first love. CONFIRMED!
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=273002412739426&set=a.247120991994235.118372.100000890097241&type=1
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I can confirm now that I am a JESSICON SHIPPER! hahahahahahahaha!! This article surely does make people laugh!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! OMG!! This is JJANG!! :)))
LMAO!!!! OMG! JESSI-CON couple is perfect…. I mean as a reciprocal to the obvious Royal Couple right? Aircon keep Sica Icy whilst ManYul melts her… Seriously I hope the 3 can find a compromise with this situation… I mean hey.. maybe they can take notes on the infamous 3SOMERS SunTaeny?! I mean Taengoo and Tiffany cant stop cheating on each other with Sunny… LOL