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Not Telling
Though this was more than three weeks ago, I can remember it like it was yesterday. I tried my best to replicate my weekend what happened in every possible aspect - what I was thinking, as well as supplemental media.
[SMTown… What’s That?]
I had first heard of SMTown through a friend. Because I was initially hesitant to drop $180 on tickets, I dismissed the suggestion. But knowing my friend was going to ‘camp out’ for tickets at the Staples Center to get floor seating, as such behavior is expected from him, I felt obligated to join in. I arrived at the Staples Center early Friday afternoon, in the hopes of securing the best possible seats. At first, I wasn’t THAT excited for the concert. But I did gain several new friends who also chose to suffer out there in the blazing sun; after all, camping out on the corner of a LA intersection for a good ~18 hours isn’t exactly my idea of a summer vacation.
This part of the story is a story in itself, and mostly irrelevant.
The only thing you need to know is that I was all set for SMTown, $180 poorer and a Floor 2 seat with my name on it.
[Rising Anticipation]
A couple days before, I already had the impression that SMTown concert itself was going to be massive to immeasurable proportions.
What concept I had yet to fully grasp was the intensity of fans’ willingness to meet these idols in situations outside of the concert. And this plays a VERY CRITICAL part of my story.
I haven’t had too many personal encounters with stardom, the more recent one being with Wonder Girls and 2PM; which was terrible because I was simply too star struck to mutter any sort of audible response. Naturally, I asked for a picture with them, but not being able to engage in any meaningful conversation was definitely a mistake I wanted to correct and learn from. Then again, if you went to that event, you’ll know that it was very structured in nature, leaving no time for anything other than the picture.
When the privately chartered plane touched down in LA Thursday morning, hundreds of merciless fans, including friends I knew, were out in full force. Where was I that day? I foolishly volunteered to go in for my internship that Thursday morning – thinking to myself “I’ll just see SNSD on Friday, or at the concert.” I personally regret not being able to be part of the initial group of people to greet them, as I soon realized it was actually extremely difficult to even encounter them after the airport.
Trying to find ‘a needle in a haystack’ is a quite an understatement, and as I were to soon find out, it would happen to be the underlying theme for the weekend.
[Fear The Swarm]
I finally made it up to LA late Friday night at the Sheraton, as there was a general consensus that all of the artists were residing there. My arrival though was only after being tempted and jealous of my friends’ constant updates for the past couple of days, who had already accomplished what seemed pretty impossible. These girls seemed to be extremely skilled and experienced in their craft of stalking; somehow managing to secure Yoona’s and Taeyeon’s autographs are among the many achievements they seemed to obtain so effortlessly.
The Sheraton perimeter was packed to the core with a good platoon of crazy fangirls and anxious fanboys, waiting outside with bated breath to catch sight of anyone even remotely famous entering or leaving the hotel. Yet this overall aim was hindered greatly by the presence of hotel staff, which were nothing but a nuisance, as they seemed oblivious to just how famous these celebrities really were.
To put it better, it was like a swarm of ferocious zerglings burrowed outside the Terran HQ… >_>
Anyways, though boring at times, I could feel the escalating tension from the crowd, and it started to weigh a heavy toll on me.
I started to ask myself “what exactly WOULD I do if I saw any member of SNSD?”
[Star Struck]
Somehow, my friends, with their eagle eyes and ultra hearing capabilities, were able to catch a glimpse of Yoona walking across the street at about 9PM, and of course I would be the one lost in confusion. Yoona was ACROSS THE STREET for crying out loud, HOW were they able to even notice? *facepalm*
I wasn’t about to complain though. Though a few fans had already been en route, lucky for us we had a car parked within the vicinity and quickly cut straight to the chase even faster.
And thus, that encounter can be summed up in this very short video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SbF5bXj50Y
Though brief, these few seconds was enough to make me freeze with awe.
“Was I really looking at Yoona?” “THE Yoona from SNSD?” “What do I say?”
I could simply utter in disbelief as she glanced my way, even for a split second, and before I knew it, she was gone.
After that incident, we headed back to the hotel. Besides, chasing people down from a car in the middle of LA isn’t creepy at all… >_>
[Changing Gears]
Sure, waiting outside of the hotel would’ve been the easy way to see SNSD. A conventional and safe tactic, yet the rewards were short-lived, equating to no more than mere seconds of glory followed by eternal-like periods of waiting and emptiness. Despite heavy security at the front of the Sheraton, we were able to infiltrate the hotel with the intention of screening the elevators on a random floor, undisturbed by the majority of those down below.
Though elevator screening became somewhat of an inconvenience to other patrons of the hotel, it seemed like it was everyone for themselves. I wasn’t about to compete with the hundreds of people waiting down in the lobby. But my stomach suddenly had the weight of several bricks every time an elevator stopped on the floor we camped on, so I became overwhelmed with nervousness. The majority of times we were met with disappointment as complete strangers (or familiar, angry faces wondering what the hell we were doing) were confirmed to be in the elevator.
About 20 minutes in, nothing could prepare me for the encounter I was about to experience.
[Frozen in Place]
At around 11:30PM, an elevator stopped on our floor. As the door opened, revealing a packed elevator, there was one person amongst many others that I recognized almost instantly.
My heart stopped.
Describing the imprinted image in my mind to the best of my knowledge, she had dark blonde (or brown) hair tied up in a bun, a petite stature, and numerous shopping bags – one of them being a ‘big brown bag,’ and a very familiar facial structure. But because she was wearing sunglasses, I couldn’t see her eyes, so I doubted myself.
Because the elevator was full, I didn’t step in. But I simply stared and stood, completely petrified with a conflict of emotions.
“Should I push my way in?” “Could this REALLY be her?” “What should I say?” “Should I ask for an autograph?”
In the end, as the door closed, I simply waved and muttered a slight ‘hello.’
She responded.
Jessica: “Hi.”
It turns out, it was none other than the one and only, Jessica.
You could only imagine what a defeated attitude I had at that very moment. After a brief 7 second encounter, all I could say was “Hello.” Thinking back, maybe I should’ve gone in? But maybe my efforts would’ve been in vain. I’m sure many of you knew already that none the idols are unattended at any given time. They always have managers, usually mean ones at that. The success on your overall aim, be it an autograph, or even a picture, depends on if these managers are willing to let you...
[Missed Opportunity]
Returning back down to the Sheraton lobby at the stroke of midnight, it became clear to me that being stuck in an elevator isn’t the way I wanted to have a personal, meaningful encounter with SNSD. It seemed unnatural for me to just simply demand something from them. I was assured that they’re actually very friendly and approachable, but when a crowd of people start demanding autographs from them, interfering in their own personal space, I can’t help but get the impression they’d get just a bit annoyed…
Maybe they’re used to this, but we’ll never quite know for sure.
I wanted something more casual from them - a meaningful conversation without the pressure from other fans, although you’d be lucky to be with them even for a minute in time, let alone without the interference of others. But with no other option, and not having any inside connections, what else was I to do?
As the night winded down and even a couple of hours past midnight, the force of fandom setting up camp in the perimeter seemed to have no end to it. But idols were a rarity.
I called it a night at around 2AM, retreating back to the JW Marriott for some R&R.
[New Promises]
We returned to the Sheraton bright and early Saturday morning, staking out at 8AM for yet another chance to see them. Unfortunately, it was not very successful, within a whole span of three hours we only saw a glimpse of Yoona and Yuri running away from fans, as if to mock us…
At that point, we came to the conclusion that it would’ve been better off to continue with our own plans for the day preparing for the concert, rather than demonstrate we were blinded by our own obsession. Afternoon plans afterwards consisted of eating Korean BBQ, making fansigns (of which I had no part of), and ultimately checking out the fanmeets set up at LACC next door. I briefly checked out Soshified, with the intention of supporting my friend at the dance competition. I did talk to a couple of strangers to pass the time, and I was relieved to see that, for the most part, SONEs were not THAT much different from myself, although I was probably one of the older guys there. However, being lost in a sea of pink (having not ordered a t-shirt), I soon left because it seemed as if most people had already been acquainted with each other. I couldn’t help but feel slightly awkward in there - known fact about me is that I just don’t do well in new crowds.
[Overwhelming Excitement]
Our group finally made it to the outside gates of the Staples Center, and it soon became apparent just how epic this concert was going to be.
So THIS was SMTown.
Coincidentally, it was also my first time at the Staples Center, and finally stepping inside the behemoth of a stadium, I was blown away by just how cavernous the venue was. Nothing short of amazing. Even better, I was extremely thrilled to see that our coveted Floor 2 seats we had fought so hard to secure were indeed some of the best seats in the house. Right next to the stage! I was stoked!
Though there was a rule of professional DSLRs, I’d be damned if I was going to stand by and do nothing while I had seats right next to the stage! I snuck in my 24-70 lens in a secret compartment in my backpack, and after a slight mishap with one of the guards, the issue was soon put behind me. One of my friends had prepared for the event with the purchase of two additional point & shoots, and he allowed me to use them - so in the end I found myself with three capable cameras at my disposal.
[The Eye of the Storm... of Fans ]
When the time came for the actual concert… It was difficult to grasp the notion that I was actually THERE, cheering with a sea of 20,000 other individuals.
(I have tons of pictures of SHINee, and others)
Glowsticks of all colors illuminated the stadium like beacons of shining hope, as if to signify a meaningful bond between fan and artist. Fansigns and banners as far as the eye could see. People of all ages, from all over the nation and from neighboring countries. It didn’t matter where you were from, or what walk of life you came from. We all united under an unlikely assembly to support our favorite artists, and I’ve never experienced such energy and eagerness from the crowd, or any crowd I’ve ever been a part of
I will digress. In the pursuit of near-perfect photographs, I did sacrifice my concert experience. It was difficult to manage three different cameras at one time, whilst still enjoying the concert fully – but being the aspiring pro-photographer that I am, I stop at nothing to get the best possible shot. Due to our close proximity near the stage, it became unbelievably difficult to remain there with the raging fans taking up every inch of available space. Adding insult to injury, the fansigns they were holding CONVENIENTLY managed to ruin a good majority of my shots. Maybe this is why they leave it to the pros.
Yet, with an opportunity like this, I wasn’t going to hide behind a lens forever.
[Angelic Encounters]
The highlights for me were, of course, the SNSD performances.
We were so close to them. We were unbelievably close to them.
Like… THIS close to them.
With all of the fansigns blocking the way, and being constantly pushed around in the moshpit they called Floor 2, it was admittedly difficult to see the performances of Genie and Run Devil Run. I sadly cannot remember them clearly – and my fancams are terrible. And due to the location of the middle stage, they performed Gee and Oh! facing away from us – but being a guy, I wasn’t complaining too much, the view was still awesome.
One of my most prized possessions from this whole experience are the pictures.
But hearing these ladies perform these long-time favorites sent chills down my spine. I was actually listening to them live! They were dancing right before my very eyes! Not on some random YouTube link. It was like a dream come true. Perhaps the only thing I was discontent about was the absence of my most absolute favorite song, their debut song ‘Into The New World.’ My only disappointment…
I do have to say, the girls of SNSD are SO much more beautiful in person. ALL NINE OF THEM. They have an angelic beauty that cannot be captured by even the highest resolution photograph, or the most ‘HD’ video. You instantly find newfound appreciation that you didn’t have before when you’re fortunate to have been graced with their presence.
As the concert progressed, all I could only recall the experience through fragments.
- I remember screaming the fanchants to all of their songs, having brushed up on them the week before, only to realize that nobody else around me actually knew the fanchants. A shame, honestly. But I still made sure that I made myself heard, even if it meant losing my voice by the time Genie rolled around…
- Before performing ‘Gee’, I caught sight of a group of them gathering right next to the stage. Sooyoung was the closest to me, and WOW. My first time seeing Sooyoung in person… WOW.
With not much else I could do, I excitedly yelled ‘Hi Sooyoung!’, and the best part is, she personally smiled and waved at me back! SOOYOUNG IS SO PRETTY.
- I caught this before the girls went up to perform Gee. Needless to say… there’s a reason Jessica is GorJess. No other explanation needed.
- Bad picture, but during the performances Sunny reached out and touched my hand three times. She’s so cute!
- Hyoyeon STUNNING in person, photos just don’t do her justice at all. I don’t know why there are so many haters out there, but she DEFINITELY captured me with her charm. She waved at me a couple of times too.
- From beginning to end, I did get to touch, shake hands with, and make eye contact with all nine members of SNSD.
The culmination of all of the performances reached its peak at the grand finale.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ld20Jiqd-yY
I always get chills everytime I watch it.
[Disillusionment]
We were still elated, yet in disbelief that it was actually over. Nobody wanted it to end. I’m sure most of you had felt that way when the concert ended – sort of a mix between ‘I can’t believe it happened!,’ ‘I’m glad to have been a part of it,’ ‘OMG I ACTUALLY TOUCHED SNSD OMGOMGOMG,’ ‘Take me back to Thursday!,’ and ‘Reality sucks, FML.’
A few of us decided to embark on a quest to find SNSD members that scattered throughout the area. Though I was almost certain that without any leads, our efforts probably would’ve been in vain. We weren’t about to call it a night though. Since we were staying over at the Marriott until Sunday, there was no point in going home.
Bought tickets to the SMTown After Party a little after it started, since it was rumored to have some of the members in attendance, and was confirmed by a significant crowd gathered outside, staring upwards towards a window of the Conga Room. We hurriedly made our way to the Conga Room, being $75 poorer, only to be met with disappointment (along with a crowd of other people) as the stars we so were gathered just out of reach in a separate room. Unfortunately, not knowing anybody who was actually in the venue, we had no idea of preventing this little mishap from happening. After catching quick glimpses of Yuri, Yoona, and Jessica, leaving the Conga Room, which elicited a loud cheer from the crowd, we found ourselves wondering what our next move was. The only thing left to do was to go back and forth between hotels and certain locations where they had the slightest possibility of being spotted.
But as the night passed on, luck was not on our side – traveling back and forth, further intel and tips from friends revealed that we had JUST missed Jessica at least three times by only mere minutes. We called it quits at about 3AM and went to sleep at about 5AM.
[Deadline]
I’m not exactly sure what compelled our group to continue searching for them on Sunday morning. But as long as they were in LA, I wasn’t going to quit. I would rather at least attempt something and say that I tried, rather than live in a world of could’ve/would’ve/should’ves, though it was a little too late for that already.
Reconnaissance informed me that their flight back to Korea was determined to be around 1PM Sunday afternoon, so being on a strict deadline, we set up on the Sheraton perimeter at around 9AM, where we already started to see signs of departure.
Bright, colorful luggage placed into a U-Haul, several pallets worth of instant ramen that would put any Costco to shame, and a tall white charter bus donned with Korean writing of some sorts parked just outside the Sheraton. But aside from witnessing the members of f(x) leaving in a van, SNSD (as well as the remaining SM artists) was nowhere to be found, so I wasn’t about to jump to that conclusion that they were leaving just yet.
[Close, But No Cigar]
Sure enough, at around 10:30AM, we had spotted Jessica and a friend walk out of the Sheraton and towards the charter bus. However, I did make the mistake of simply assuming they were boarding the charter bus. One of my other friends, whom I had met the day before, texted us about 10 minutes later and told me that Jessica had just walked into ‘a restaurant.’
(Picture used with permission)
It turns out, that Jessica simply had breakfast at the IHOP DOWN THE STREET. Upon hearing this, I couldn’t help but feel just a little bit disappointed that he managed to talk with her and get an autograph with almost barely any effort at all, because he just happened to be at the right place at the right time.
Still, I can find solace that at least one us was able to encounter her… but understandably, my heart sank yet again that I missed out on yet another opportunity.
As time passed, I knew something was amiss. The luggage truck had already departed for the airport, as well as the charter bus. At about 12PM, the hotel staff announced that “The SM Entertainment Group has left the building.” Yet it was hard to believe because, as we stationed just across the street for a good 3 hours, I didn’t spot any group of artists leaving the hotel because it would’ve certainly stirred a lot of commotion. Hope turned into despair as I wondered what to do next.
[Back To Reality]
Left with no other option, a group of us frantically sped to LAX (as we should have done earlier), where we were unfortunately hit with the painful truth. Arriving at about 1:15PM, it turns out that all of the artists had already boarded the plane. A friendly SONE confirmed this with her fancam of them entering the boarding gate. We were about 20 minutes too late.
With all of us devastated, reality soon weighed in heavily on our battered minds. In the midst of trying to prolong the weekend as much as I possibly could, I probably did so too much for my own good. We knew the weekend was essentially over and that we had to accept this as the end.
Bittersweet, it was.
[Aftermath]
Before I start to conclude this fan account, I must apologize for any creepy overtones that this entry may have suggested. I want to stress that, being completely new to this - this being my first time having an encounter with SNSD - I didn’t know what to expect or how to react. But try to put yourself in my situation (as some of you were), and you can only start to realize the rationale (or lack thereof) behind the actions I chose to carry out. I can only say that I was just caught up with the sheer excitement and anticipation of wanting to see SNSD in person that those emotions alone had clouded my judgment.
Ultimately, what turned out into anticipation for a 4-5 hour concert developed into so much more than I could ever have imagined.
Driving with my friends all around LA with the expectation of ‘running into them by chance,’ though too idealistic of a scenario, was indeed a thrill in itself. In the strangest sense, it allowed me to escape from the harsh reality of so-called life. I’m sure we all had felt that way that weekend.
- Maybe it was the fact that being able to see SNSD in person ignited an inner spark of wanting to see them, said spark developing into a roaring flame which burned ever so brightly.
- Or perhaps it was the fact that they came from across the globe right here in our backyard, with said concept being a bit difficult to fully grasp. “They were actually in LOS ANGELES!”
- Or, it could’ve been the fact that nobody felt truly alone, as for a moment in time, all of us fans wanted the exact same thing – and in the grander scheme of things, we were all united in that sense.
Like I said earlier, my main motive for wanting to encounter SNSD outside the context of the concert was the hope that I might be able to interact with them on a more casual level. As well as obtaining the obligatory autograph and the even more elusive selca with them. Though I realize now that it seems impossible for that to happen ‘by chance’, judging by some of the fanaccounts on here, I know it’s not a request that’s impossible to fulfill.
[The Mushy Gushy]
I know all 9 members of So Nyuh Shi Dae are amazing people.
Yoona, Tiffany, Yuri, Hyoyeon, Sooyoung, Seohyun, Taeyeon, Jessica, and Sunny.
(not all of them pictured, there was a hand in the way...)
I am aware that their success of these 9 ladies, like every other idol/artist/musician, was not met without hardships. But there’s a reason that they’ve been able to come this far as the one of the best (if not THE best) girl groups ever. There’s a reason they’ve been able to influence countless lives worldwide in the way that they have. They’ve held an unwavering commitment to pursuing their dreams, letting nothing stand in their way. They stayed true to themselves, letting their own individual personalities shine through, with each of them possessing a distinct charm. They worked as a team, providing each other with resolute support through thick and thin.
I say these things like I know them by fact. I could watch all of the variety and talk shows assume these as much as I’d like to....
...but seeing them in person really makes you want to believe that all of this is true.
Why am I saying all of this? It’s because I’m not just into SNSD for their gorgeous, angelic looks. I’m saying all of this because I respect the girls for all that they have gone through. They are truly an inspiration, and the apparent unity of their fans, as well as the bond between SNSD and SONEs, is a testament to the true power of Girls’ Generation.
I hope I do get to meet them and tell them this someday. Until then, I wish them continued success in their lives, because they certainly deserve every bit of it.
[FIN]
Even now, though the abovementioned events happened just shy of three weeks ago, in what could’ve easily been labeled the best time of my life, these memories still burn ever so brightly within me. Though I can often choose to relive these moments by viewing an extensive library of pictures, carefully watching fancams from almost every part of the stadium, reading the detailed fan accounts of others, or even sitting quietly in isolation as I reflect on my actions that weekend, I’m sure most of you can agree that there is no quick remedy or solution to fill this inner void that is seemingly persistent.
But above all else, I’m left with feelings of hope and resolve.
Though my actual encounters with SNSD were brief in nature and seemingly insignificant, they were not without meaning. If anything, they have given me valuable experience in what to do in those kinds of situations. I suppose it’s only human nature to naturally desire even more than what I accomplished, or to reflect back and criticize myself that I could’ve done better. Everything happens for a reason.
I’ve gained a number of new friends, and it is my hope that these friendships that have stemmed from such a unique experience will continue to foster and grow.
And I can say that I've touched all 9 of them, but in actuality, they were the ones that have touched my life in ways I didn't even think possible. And no matter what I've said through this entry, let it be known that I am EXTREMELY thankful for that.
Thus concludes my fan account, and if you’re actually still reading this, I have one small request if you went to SMTown LA. If you’re also in Post-Concert Depression and/or SNSD Withdrawal like I am, please don’t hesitate to drop me a line… We at least have something in common, and it is still quite lonely in these forums. I’d love to hear your side of the story, as well.
Have a wonderful day.
Jigeumeun So Nyuh Shi Dae!
Apurodo So Nyuh Shi Dae!
Yongwonhee So Nyuh Shi Dae!
So Nyuh Shi Dae Saranghae!
